The proposal

Kaia remained in the circle for what seemed like forever. She was still tired, but the circle was not big enough for her to lay down or even curl up in, and she felt somehow obligated to stay within it's limits. She focused on her breath to keep herself calm. Her mind began to wander back to the things that weighed upon her- the facts that she had tried so desperately to avoid. The choice that she had tried to push out of her mind was now shouting at her, refusing to be ignored. She recalled the events that had spurred her to come on this journey in the first place- the proposal. She winced when she recalled the image of him on one knee, the glittering ring swimming in her view, shaking slightly with the nervousness of the hands that held it. Her absolute panic and fear. The tears. Asking for him to wait for her to think about things, to get her life straightened out. "I love you," she had said. "Of course I love you. But it's too soon. I just don't know what I want yet." And worst of all- the pained look of disappointment in his face- a look of deep despair and utter defeat.

Growing up with her mystic mother, Kaia had been told as early as she could understand language that she was gifted with a connection to nature and to the spirit world that few others had; that she had a responsibility to pass on the traditions of her heritage and use her talents. When she was a child she had looked up to her mother completely, and Kaia felt lucky to be so "gifted." But as she grew older she started to see her mother the way other people saw her- warm and loving, but a little crazy, a little disconnected from the rest of the world. It was then that she had begun to wish she had a sibling or at least a father to offer another perspective. Her mother just seemed so.... out there. She became ashamed of her and would lie to her friends that her mother was a florist. That seemed so much more normal than a mystic who made her living doing "aura readings" and "healings" for both people and animals. Those who believed in her, well, they believed in her with all their hearts. "How lucky to be the daughter of someone so wise," they would tell her. She tried to wait until their backs were turned to roll her eyes.

But in her 20's, something started to change. She began to see things- to sense things that others didn't. It was nothing new, it was almost like she began listening to a voice that had been talking to her the whole time. It was exciting, and also very worrisome. She didn't want to be what her mother was- a joke. But she didn't want to turn her back on what her mother told her was her "gift" and her obligation.

And Frank, well, he knew nothing of all this. Like she did with most new acquaintances, she had told him her mother was a florist. The fact that her mother lived halfway across the country made this lie easy to maintain. But as things got more serious with him, it began to eat away at her. Was it true? Was she ignoring her heritage as her mother said? When he proposed, all her worries and fears and guilt rushed to her at once, paralyzing her. Frank was not a mystical person, or even spiritual. He worked at an engineering firm and logic was his guiding force. He was kind, attractive, practical, dependable. But if she married him, she would have to give up that spiritual part of herself that she had thus far been denying. Somehow she just didn't see the two parts of her life coming together in any sort of way that would work. In the end, it was one or the other.

sacred circle

Kaia awoke to Luna's cold nose on her neck.  She came wide awake with the unexpected touch.  It was still dark and the air was brisk.  Luna got across to Kaia that she wanted her to get up and leave the cave by a combination of nudges, yelps and pacing from her to the mouth of the cave and back.  Kaia grabbed a warm jacket and followed the wolf into the predawn.  The moon had set and the desert felt asleep.  No sounds, no light.  Kaia set out slowly, following Luna as best she could.  She wasn't sure if this was insane or truly a part of what she had come to the desert for.  After twenty minutes or so of walking,  they arrived at a flat spot where Kaia could just make out a circle of white stones enclosing a space about four feet across. 

"Now what?" she asked the wolf.  Luna nudged the backs of her legs to indicate she wanted Kaia to get inside the circle.  Luna circled outside the stone perimeter twice and then turned abruptly away from Kaia and trotted off.  Kaia felt certain she was supposed to stay within the circle, so she sat down and waited for the sun to rise.